Sometimes......

Sometimes life hands you things that make you sit up and examine what you are missing. Whether in relationships, work, friends, social activities, whatever. It is in those moments that you define who you are and who you want to be. It is to bad we can't see where those things will lead however. Is it enough to be content or is happiness more important? Is it still love if passion takes a back seat to life? Is it more important to get what you want than be who you want? These are the questions we are forced to answer on a daily basis....but what do you do if the answer changes hourly?

The last several weeks I have been constantly trying to decide what the answers to these questions are. I have berated myself for not having the answers and reminded myself that it's okay that I don't. And now I have reached a place that I am more confused than ever. :)

Just when I think that I have my life planned out, something or someone throws a wrench in it. Which contrary to popular belief is not a bad thing. I have learned it is important to be shaken up sometimes in order to force us to examine what is important. And I have learned that it is okay if that shaking makes you step out of your comfort zone. If only because we become better people, better friends, better companions, and better parents by constantly examining the path we are treading and readjusting course if necessary.

Okay one more thing

So I randomly found this blog: 

http://theweedons.blogspot.com

She is giving away this cool skirt called a binsi.  Just go check it out.  And before anyone asks, no I am not pregnant.  I plan to be someday and since it is a giveaway, I want to win!  :)

Randomness that has been going through my brain

Okay, this blog entry will have nothing even close to resembling continuity, train of thought, or even a central theme.

First off, I am relieved that the California State Supreme Court upheld Prop 8 but not for the reasons you might think.  It doesn't really matter where I stand on the issue because my personal feelings are not the point.  What does matter is that the majority of Californians voted in favor of it and the Supreme Court upheld those peoples opinions.  It seems like to often now days people are cowed into supporting a cause they don't believe in for fear of being called a bigot or worse. Correct me if I am wrong but hating someone for disagreeing with your opinion makes you just as much a bigot as you seem to think they are.  People want their rights recognized and upheld but that doesn't extend to people having the right to disagree with them. 

On to the next tangent.  I have come to realize that there are people in this world who are so busy trying to convince people that they are something (liberal, conservative, democrat, republican, any number of religions including my own) that they don't have time to actually live the way they say they believe.  Actions speak far louder than words.

We recently got back from a 9 day vacation with my parents, Mike, and Ashlee.  I learned a lot about my family.  Not all of it good.  But we did have a great time and we got to see a lot of places that I haven't been for awhile.  We are working on a surprise for the family but I can't say anything more about it since Ashlee might actually read this! (If she can remember the URL :P).

For my birthday, Nathan broke down and got me a Kindle from Amazon.  For those of you who don't know it is Amazon's ereader.  It uses cell phone technology to download content as well as USB.  So basically anywhere you get coverage from the Sprint network, you can download books from amazon.com.  Very cool but I have limited myself to 3 books a week or I will be broke in about 5 seconds flat.  I ended up getting it almost a month early since I had a super crappy week and Nathan told me about it to cheer me up.  Once I knew about it, it was either fork it on over or have me drive him nuts about it for a month.  It came while he was out of town and we stopped at the office after I picked him up at 11:30 p.m. to get before I went crazy!  I am not normal, I know!

I told you this post had nothing coherent holding it together but since you are still reading, it must not matter. LOL  Sorry about the mini rant but sometimes you just need to get it out there.  I am done.

Quick update

I had a final doctor appointment today with the eye doctor. She just wanted to check and make sure that the infection that I have been dealing with isn't coming back now that I am off all the medications that I was taking for it. I am happy to report, everything looks normal except for the scar that will be there forever. She did say I was extremely lucky because if the scar had formed even a millimeter closer to my pupil, at the very least it would have left me with a blind spot. Worse case would be that I could have lost my vision in that eye completely. That being said, with the type of infection that I had, 25% of people have a recurrence within the first year. 90% have one within 5-10 years. So it is not a question of if it will come back, it is when. Luckily, now I know how serious it is, I can get in the minute I start having symptoms so the scar I have shouldn't get any bigger.

The Facebook Phenomenon

Recently I have discovered that I am a huge part of the "Facebook Phenomenon". I read an article the other day that said if facebook was a country, it would be the 8th most populated country in the WORLD! I believe it since I am on it almost everyday. Most days, I get to work and update my status before I ever start my job. I then leave it open in the background while I work. Some days I check it obsessively, some days not so much. There are pluses to this vast social networking site.

Recently, I got an email saying that an old friend wanted to add me. Not a huge thing in and of itself. However, it just so happens that this friend is one that I would say was my best friend growing up. I lost track of him after his family moved out of the neighborhood and have often wondered how he is doing and what he is up to. When he added me as a friend on facebook, we were able to spend about 3 hours getting caught up. I was amazed by how much I had missed his friendship and input and am grateful that we have been able to reconnect.

In the last several weeks, I have been struck by the creativity bug. I have really started writing again after not being to serious about it for months if not years. I have also re-evaluated where I am at in life and where I would like to be. I have set new goals and am hopeful of a change in direction.

Nathan has been working much to hard as usual. He spent 3 days in first 2 weeks of January at home and while he is home this week, he may as well not be since I haven't seen him at all. He is leaving again next week. At least this time, I won't have to get text messages from him saying that is is 76 degrees where he is while I am freezing my behind off in 30 degree weather. Although, even though it hasn't snowed for weeks, I suspect that this next week I will be shoveling a lot. It always snows when Nathan is gone in the winter.

One of three choices

So either my ophthalmologist really likes me, really likes my money, or really is worried and wants to make sure I am okay.   Whatever the reason, I see her more that I see my family.

About 1 and a half months ago, I started having some serious issues with my eye.  I was super sensitive to light, it always felt like there was something in it, and I noticed a cloudy area when I looked in the mirror.  I called and made an appointment with the first doctor who could get me in immediately.   I was very lucky because Dr. Smith was able to see me within a couple of days.  I went in and she looked at my eye and it was obvious she was more than a little concerned.  As we discussed the problems I had been having she explained that I had some how managed to scratch my cornea and it had become infected.  Where it was located if we didn't get the infection under control, I could lose my sight in that eye.  So she gave me some antibiotic drops and made and appointment for 3 days later.  She also gave me her cell number so if anything changed, I could get a hold of her.  That was on friday.  Three days later I go in and there is no change so she added an ointment that I have to put in before I go to bed each night and made an appointment for two days later.  Two days later at the check-up there has still been no change so she added an anti-viral pill that I have to take 5 TIMES A DAY!! What a pain!  Two days later I am back for a check-up.  It is still not getting better but it is not worse either so that is a good sign!  She upped the times per day I had to use the ointment and added another round of anti-viral so I would take it for 17 days instead of just 7.  I went in 2 days before Christmas and still no improvement so she referred me to the cornea specialist.  Luckily however, she talked to the specialist and they decided to just start me on steroids to see if that will help.  I went back the monday after Christmas and there was a little improvement.  Hooray!  Now I get to go 2 whole weeks without seeing her!  The bad news is that I am probably going to be on anti-viral medication for an extended period of time and there is a high probability that this infection will recur so it will mean check ups every 3-6 months to make sure we catch it before it does any more damage than the scar that will be left when this whole thing is done.

Makes me wonder, is being blind in one eye really so bad?

The holidays are upon us

Does it seem to anyone else that the closer we get to Christmas and what should be a time of "peace on earth, goodwill toward man" people see to get more rude and more mean? Maybe it is just me.


Anyway, Thanksgiving is over and we are moving on to Christmas. I don't focus very much on Thanksgiving simply because I try to be thanful for my blessing everyday not just on one day of the year. Wow! That came out sounding much more holier than thou then I meant it to! I guess I just feel the same way about Thanksgiving as I do about Valentine's Day. It is much more effective to be thankful and express love year round than one day. Besides, Thanksgiving is mearly the warm-up for CHRISTMAS. Which is my favorite (if you can't tell).


Although it is worth mentioning that we have more reasons than most to be thankful this year as Primary Children's Hospital released baby Chris to come home with Becki on Thanksgiving Day.

I have reached the astounding conclusion....

Drug companies are not as interested in making people well as making money and insurance companies only want to spend as little as possible. Now to back up that claim!

About a week ago I started having some severe stabbing pains in my stomache. They were so bad that I couldn't stand up straight at times. So I took a day off work and went into the doctor. 3 hours, 4 blood draws, and a urine analyisis later (I am not pregnant) all the doctor could tell me was that he didn't know what was wrong and he gave me a prescription for Prevacid while we waited for the liver and pancreas tests to come back. I went to the pharmacy to fill the prescription and was told that my insurance didn't cover it and it would cost $240 for a 30 day supply. I made them call the doctor to okay filling it with a generic which...wait for it... didn't cost me a dime! Not even a co-pay!!

Late saturday night, I got a call saying the lab results are back and I have a bacterial infection in my upper abdomine that they were calling in a prescription for. I went and picked it up last night and found out that it is 8 PILLS A DAY!!! 4 in the morning and 4 at night for 14 days. I HATE TAKING PILLS!! I don't even like taking a multi-vitamin. Something about the whole swallowing them thing just bugs me. Anyway, I go in to get the prescription and with the insurance and everything it still cost me $84!!! That is $1.33 a pill!! I guess that if it makes the pain stop I will just suck it up but still...

The one consolation is that since it is bacterial not viral, it is not contagious which means I can still see baby Christopher. They are much more strict about what keeps you from seeing him since they moved him up to Primary Children's Medical Center.

My mother-in-law told me yesterday that after 10 days of Christopher losing weight, he has finally started to gain some back and be able to keep down most of what he eats. The nurses keep saying that one day he is just going to wake up and "get it" and after that he will be able to come home quickly. Ruth I am sure is hoping this happens sooner rather than later not only because he is her grandson but also because Becki doesn't drive so Ruth has had to transport her to Primary Children's on a regular basis since they moved him and before that it was everyday to Jordan Valley Hospital.

Such are the sacrifices that come with having kids!

Well I am an Aunt again

Last thursday my nephew was born at 5:50 p.m. at Jordan Valley Hospital. While not intending to be part of it all, I ended up in the room when the baby was born. Miracle? Yes! Gross? Yes!! Christopher Troy Yates joined us after Becki had been in labor for about 5 hours or so. He is considered premature since he was born at 36 weeks instead of 37 so they are watching him very carefully. He has been having some breathing problems but apparently that is normal for premies. His doctor has him on medicine for his acid reflux problems but he is now eating better and gaining back some of the weight he has lost. We are all relieved. Becki has been through a lot this year and I am not sure she would come out okay if something happened to this baby.

Halloween

So tomorrow is All Hallows' Eve. What I consider to be the most misunderstood holiday EVER!! Okay so if you don't know, I don't particularly like Halloween. If you are interested in what the holiday started out to be check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halloween. Anyway, I suppose when I have kids, I will give in to the pressure and dress them up and take them trick-or-treating but it doesn't mean I have to like it!! If only the kids didn't look so darn cute in their costumes! My sister-in-law started asking my niece several weeks ago whether she wanted to be a superhero or a witch. For 2 or 3 weeks she was walking around saying she was going to be "super Priya" (picture that being said in a 3 year old's voice) however, when her mom was getting ready to go get the material to make the costume, she decided that she wanted to be a princess. Mom told her she could be either a witch or a superhero and those were her two choices so...she is going to be a witch. She is not entirely happy about it since she won't get to be the same witch she was last year but she will get over it.

I however will be continuing my tradition of disconnecting my doorbell and hiding in the family room so I don't have to give out candy. This year it will just be me at home so it will make it extra hard to wrangle the dogs should I feel inspired to actually give out candy (don't worry, i won't). I have already told Aaron and Marjanne if they are bringing Priya over call first so I know they are coming. Maybe next year I will have to work out a secret knock so I know it is someone I want to answer the door for. Would that be to Gadianton Robberish?

Okay, there will be no fainting from suprise!

Hey look! It is 2 in the same year! The last month has been very crazy around our house. Actually it has mostly been me driving myself nuts trying to get ready for the primary program. For those of you who don't know, I was called in February to be the primary chorister. I never realized how much work it would be when I accepted the calling. Of course, I suppose if I had known that I might have said no. I think the hardest part of the calling for me is the fact I don't have kids yet so trying to keep the 50 or so kids in our primary entertained requires me to think in a way that I am not used to! But the primary program is over and it went much better than I had hoped (I know, I know show a little faith). I had some major concerns because there were a couple of songs that we sang through the sunday before the program and the kids all sang like they had never heard the song before! But they came through! I have to say, the best choice I made was asking the bishopric to sing the second part of "A Child's Prayer". The spirit was so strong there were not very many dry eyes!

So the drama of my life continues. As some of you know (and some of you don't) Nathan and I have been trying to have kids for just over 2 years now with no luck thus far. Just a few weeks ago, we found out that Marjanne and Aaron (my brother-in-law and sister-in-law) are pregnant with their second. I am very happy and excited for them but I did start bawling just because it isn't happening for us yet. It will in time. Yet even knowing that, it is hard to see it happening for everyone else. Nathan's sister Rebecca is about to pop with her baby. The doctor told her last week that she is starting to dialate and the baby could come anytime. I am very excited for her but at the same time scared for her as well. She is in for a rough road since she will be a single mom. (For those of you who didn't know, her husband passed away in April.) The good news is she is back living with her parents so she is closer to us.

I guess that is about all I have to write about for now. It is back to trying to figure out what I am going to do for primary for the rest of the year! Any ideas?

Well it's that time of year again!

Nope, not tax time, birthday time, or anniversaries. It's not time for any major holidays. It's time for....wait for it....wait for it....The annual updating of the blog! (This is where the trumpets sound and great applause rings out through the land!)



The last year has brought some great changes and some not so great changes. The first great change is that the wallpaper that I have hated since the day we moved in is officially gone. There is no trace of it to be found! After several days of scrapping, scrubbing, and losing skin off the knuckles, our walls were finally bare and ready to be painted. After living in our home for four years, we finally have two rooms that done (hey 99% counts as done in my book!). Our problem lies in the fact that neither Nathan nor I like to paint that much. I am fairly certain that if my dad hadn't shown up one day while I was sick in bed with the flu, we might still not be done painting. In fact, we may have not even started yet!

As of last weekend, Nathan and I have been married for 4 years. It seems longer than that on some days. I guess we each fall into familiar patterns when you have been around someone so long. For instance, I am not a morning person. I was thinking about it the other day and realized that I have become the person I didn't particularly want to be. I hardly ever wear make-up, I don't do my hair all that often. It is mostly just wash and pull back. I am just thankful that Nathan is willing to put up with it.

We were able to go to Logan to a little B&B for our anniversary. It is called Providence Inn. They have several "themed" rooms but mostly the themes are defined by decorations rather than actually scenes. For instance, this time we stay in the rose garden. So named because it has rose wall paper border and the bed spread is covered in a rose design. Anyway, back to why I started out talking about that... It was very nice to be able to spend 3 whole days with my husband! And my cell phone only rang once! Sometimes it feels like Nathan and I go days without really talking.

While in Logan, we saw an episode of "It's Me Or The Dog" that starred a mini dachshund. It gave us hope that the twin Nazi's who have been running our house for the last 4 years can actually be trained! We have recommitted ourselves to working on training them so that we can at last have people over without having to worry about making sure that they leave with all limbs attached!

On a final random note, Nathan received a funny email from a friend he used to work with that stated "your blog is out of date and so is your wife." A short while later, he received another email from this same friend who wanted to know if we had a copy of the audiobook for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Nathan being who he is promptly replied that we did but he was unsure whether I would be able to give it to him since I was outdated and could possibly be incompatible. The reply quickly came back that he should upgrade from version 2.0 to 2.1 since 2.0 is out of date and Nathan replied that he would prefer to wait until version 3.0 was released to see if they worked out some of the bugs!

I love my husband!

I am such a slacker!

So as my brother-in-law pointed out at dinner on Sunday, I have failed to post anything about my life for oh...the last 6 months. I guess that tells you how exciting my life is.

Well here I sit, day 6 of Nathan being out of town. I don't know what the reason is but these last two trips out of town for him, I have wanted nothing more than for him to be home with me. This week has been especially long and full of disappointment and I have wanted nothing more than a ginormous (that word has now been added to the Webster Dictionary) hug from my hubby.

As I think about what has been going on this week my thoughts are inevitably drawn to the blessings in my life. There is a country song song that is popular right now titled "Lucky Man". The chorus says "I'm a lucky man. God's given me a pretty fair hand." That is my life. I have been blessed with some amazing things. And yet, my life is not perfect. As weird as it sounds I am grateful for that as well. After all, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

With Nathan out of town, I have been taking full advantage of our new pass to the Kearns Fitness Center. I had not really realized how very much I missed being in the water. If I could work full time as a lifeguard for the rest of my life, I think I would be very happy.

I have recently decided that I am going to really focus on losing weight. I have decided that I am tired of being heavy. I have been trying to really think about what I eat and how much I eat. I have only been at it a week but I feel better already. I don't feel as tired as I normally do and I feel happy. So I will definitely be keeping you up to date on that.

Well I guess I will call it a night. You would not believe how hard it is to type with Madison sitting on your shoulder licking your face as fast as she can.

M*A*S*H Rocks

So here I sit, another sleepless night. It always happens when Nathan isn't home. I guess it is okay, it means I can watch M*A*S*H that night. I love M*A*S*H. I own all 11 seasons on DVD (thanks Becki!) Nathan doesn't quite understand the fascination behind my obsession but what can I say, I LOVE M*A*S*H!

Nathan called tonight. I don't know how he does it. He has been working incredibly long hours this week and to top it all off they don't have the equipment to do the job right. But somehow he stills pulls it off. I am in awe of his ability to improvise. I am firmly convinced that some day the world will know what I do about him. He can do anything he puts his mind to!

I admire him so much! He works so hard to provide for us and our future. He goes to work at a job he loves to do but at a place he hates, just so that we have what we need for our future. And yet, he still has the time and energy to play with our dogs when he gets home. I am amazed at his work ethic. He is a firm believer in doing for one's self and I love him for it.

On an entirely different note, I am so sick of snow! We got another inch or so last night. I have to shovel the driveway tomorrow. It is so cold the snow won't melt. We still have about a foot on our front lawn from the last two storms. I swear Nathan knows when it will snow and purposely goes out of town. It happens every winter. We don't have snow for several weeks and then Nathan leaves and the NEXT DAY it drops 6-8 inches! I know he doesn't do it on purpose but sometimes I have to wonder.

Oh! Before I forget! Madison update. I think that she is finally mellowing out! Last Saturday, after our girls breakfast, Mary (a lady I have become friends with at work) and I were waiting for Somer at my mom's house. My dad was watching my puppies for me since I was down in Utah County most of the day. Anyway, Madison is not known for being nice to anyone she doesn't know so I was being very careful to make sure that Mary didn't get bitten. Anyway, in what I think was record time Madison calmed down and was able to be put down without having to worry about her attacking anyone! Later that night Somer and I were waiting for my sister and her husband to come down so that we could go out to dinner as a family. Anyway, I subjected Madison to more stress and introduced Somer. In even shorter time than with Mary she was calm! It was amazing! I am still not willing to classify her as a nice dog but I think we are making significant progress!

Anyway, not much interesting going on this week with Nathan gone. I guess I had better go get some sleep. Tomorrow is a work day and if I don't get some sleep I will be useless tomorrow!

Good Night!

It's Official

I am offically a "work widow". I dropped Nathan off this morning early and not so bright (I am NOT a morning person). The next few weeks are going to be long and lonesome. He will be back on Sunday and leaves again on Tuesday. I knew when we started dating, he has a crappy schedule. I guess I just have to deal with it.

On Saturday of this week, I am going to breakfast with the girls. For those of you who may not know, I have a group of friends who I have been friends with for like ever! Somer, who moved in up the street from me when we were 5, Jenn who was my locker partner in 7th grade, Julia who moved in when I was a sophomore, Anna who moved in when I was a junior (I think), and Ashlee of course! Ever since we all went our seperate ways (me on my mission, Somer on hers, Anna on hers, Jenn off to college, and Ashlee doing her own thing as usual) we have been getting together at least once a month for dinner, breakfast, whatever. We use it as an opportunity to get caught up on lives that are otherwise crazy. Our little group has grown as we have made new friends or run into old ones.

I am always amazed at the reaction I get when people hear I am still in touch with friends I have known so long. I don't know why this is so suprising, we love each other! When we get together it is as if no time has passed at all! We have been there for each other through it all, bad relationships, divorces, bad choices that have been made and the consequences that follow.

As I think about the coming weekend, I can't help but get excited! I have been blessed with the most wonderful friends a person could wish for. They are the friends I know I can call at 3 am when things are falling apart and I know they feel the same way about me.

The strange thing is that Nathan is blessed with the same type of friends. Jared, Spence, and Bear (Aaron) were best friends in High School and continue that friendship today. It makes it easy to understand the need to have a guys night when you have the same need with the girls.

I suppose I consider myself a very lucky person. I have a wonderful family who I am very close to, great friends who I would do anything for (and I mean it), and a loving husband who puts up with my quirks and loves me for who I am.

I am blessed.