So here is the big news.....

I have to apologize for not posting for awhile but I have had big big news that Nathan was sure I was going to spill before we told our families....but I held out and now they know. So I can make it general knowledge I guess. Plus it helps that I am now starting to believe it.

We went to the Dr on wednesday of this week. I think hearing the heartbeat made it all real. That's right folks, after several years of trying, I am pregnant! 12 weeks and I can now breath a little easier.

It didn't sink in until I actually heard that little heart beating away at 156 bpm. I guess part of that is because except for a few days of sickness, so far it has been easy. I haven't really felt pregnant so it is a little hard to believe.

We told everyone on Thanksgiving. I thought is was very fitting since this year especially we have a lot to be thankful for. Nathan has a good job that provides for our needs, we have a baby coming, we have wonderful friends and family that are close. What more can I ask for?

P.S. The middle of June is the big day!

Sometimes......

Sometimes life hands you things that make you sit up and examine what you are missing. Whether in relationships, work, friends, social activities, whatever. It is in those moments that you define who you are and who you want to be. It is to bad we can't see where those things will lead however. Is it enough to be content or is happiness more important? Is it still love if passion takes a back seat to life? Is it more important to get what you want than be who you want? These are the questions we are forced to answer on a daily basis....but what do you do if the answer changes hourly?

The last several weeks I have been constantly trying to decide what the answers to these questions are. I have berated myself for not having the answers and reminded myself that it's okay that I don't. And now I have reached a place that I am more confused than ever. :)

Just when I think that I have my life planned out, something or someone throws a wrench in it. Which contrary to popular belief is not a bad thing. I have learned it is important to be shaken up sometimes in order to force us to examine what is important. And I have learned that it is okay if that shaking makes you step out of your comfort zone. If only because we become better people, better friends, better companions, and better parents by constantly examining the path we are treading and readjusting course if necessary.

Okay one more thing

So I randomly found this blog: 

http://theweedons.blogspot.com

She is giving away this cool skirt called a binsi.  Just go check it out.  And before anyone asks, no I am not pregnant.  I plan to be someday and since it is a giveaway, I want to win!  :)

Randomness that has been going through my brain

Okay, this blog entry will have nothing even close to resembling continuity, train of thought, or even a central theme.

First off, I am relieved that the California State Supreme Court upheld Prop 8 but not for the reasons you might think.  It doesn't really matter where I stand on the issue because my personal feelings are not the point.  What does matter is that the majority of Californians voted in favor of it and the Supreme Court upheld those peoples opinions.  It seems like to often now days people are cowed into supporting a cause they don't believe in for fear of being called a bigot or worse. Correct me if I am wrong but hating someone for disagreeing with your opinion makes you just as much a bigot as you seem to think they are.  People want their rights recognized and upheld but that doesn't extend to people having the right to disagree with them. 

On to the next tangent.  I have come to realize that there are people in this world who are so busy trying to convince people that they are something (liberal, conservative, democrat, republican, any number of religions including my own) that they don't have time to actually live the way they say they believe.  Actions speak far louder than words.

We recently got back from a 9 day vacation with my parents, Mike, and Ashlee.  I learned a lot about my family.  Not all of it good.  But we did have a great time and we got to see a lot of places that I haven't been for awhile.  We are working on a surprise for the family but I can't say anything more about it since Ashlee might actually read this! (If she can remember the URL :P).

For my birthday, Nathan broke down and got me a Kindle from Amazon.  For those of you who don't know it is Amazon's ereader.  It uses cell phone technology to download content as well as USB.  So basically anywhere you get coverage from the Sprint network, you can download books from amazon.com.  Very cool but I have limited myself to 3 books a week or I will be broke in about 5 seconds flat.  I ended up getting it almost a month early since I had a super crappy week and Nathan told me about it to cheer me up.  Once I knew about it, it was either fork it on over or have me drive him nuts about it for a month.  It came while he was out of town and we stopped at the office after I picked him up at 11:30 p.m. to get before I went crazy!  I am not normal, I know!

I told you this post had nothing coherent holding it together but since you are still reading, it must not matter. LOL  Sorry about the mini rant but sometimes you just need to get it out there.  I am done.

Quick update

I had a final doctor appointment today with the eye doctor. She just wanted to check and make sure that the infection that I have been dealing with isn't coming back now that I am off all the medications that I was taking for it. I am happy to report, everything looks normal except for the scar that will be there forever. She did say I was extremely lucky because if the scar had formed even a millimeter closer to my pupil, at the very least it would have left me with a blind spot. Worse case would be that I could have lost my vision in that eye completely. That being said, with the type of infection that I had, 25% of people have a recurrence within the first year. 90% have one within 5-10 years. So it is not a question of if it will come back, it is when. Luckily, now I know how serious it is, I can get in the minute I start having symptoms so the scar I have shouldn't get any bigger.

The Facebook Phenomenon

Recently I have discovered that I am a huge part of the "Facebook Phenomenon". I read an article the other day that said if facebook was a country, it would be the 8th most populated country in the WORLD! I believe it since I am on it almost everyday. Most days, I get to work and update my status before I ever start my job. I then leave it open in the background while I work. Some days I check it obsessively, some days not so much. There are pluses to this vast social networking site.

Recently, I got an email saying that an old friend wanted to add me. Not a huge thing in and of itself. However, it just so happens that this friend is one that I would say was my best friend growing up. I lost track of him after his family moved out of the neighborhood and have often wondered how he is doing and what he is up to. When he added me as a friend on facebook, we were able to spend about 3 hours getting caught up. I was amazed by how much I had missed his friendship and input and am grateful that we have been able to reconnect.

In the last several weeks, I have been struck by the creativity bug. I have really started writing again after not being to serious about it for months if not years. I have also re-evaluated where I am at in life and where I would like to be. I have set new goals and am hopeful of a change in direction.

Nathan has been working much to hard as usual. He spent 3 days in first 2 weeks of January at home and while he is home this week, he may as well not be since I haven't seen him at all. He is leaving again next week. At least this time, I won't have to get text messages from him saying that is is 76 degrees where he is while I am freezing my behind off in 30 degree weather. Although, even though it hasn't snowed for weeks, I suspect that this next week I will be shoveling a lot. It always snows when Nathan is gone in the winter.

One of three choices

So either my ophthalmologist really likes me, really likes my money, or really is worried and wants to make sure I am okay.   Whatever the reason, I see her more that I see my family.

About 1 and a half months ago, I started having some serious issues with my eye.  I was super sensitive to light, it always felt like there was something in it, and I noticed a cloudy area when I looked in the mirror.  I called and made an appointment with the first doctor who could get me in immediately.   I was very lucky because Dr. Smith was able to see me within a couple of days.  I went in and she looked at my eye and it was obvious she was more than a little concerned.  As we discussed the problems I had been having she explained that I had some how managed to scratch my cornea and it had become infected.  Where it was located if we didn't get the infection under control, I could lose my sight in that eye.  So she gave me some antibiotic drops and made and appointment for 3 days later.  She also gave me her cell number so if anything changed, I could get a hold of her.  That was on friday.  Three days later I go in and there is no change so she added an ointment that I have to put in before I go to bed each night and made an appointment for two days later.  Two days later at the check-up there has still been no change so she added an anti-viral pill that I have to take 5 TIMES A DAY!! What a pain!  Two days later I am back for a check-up.  It is still not getting better but it is not worse either so that is a good sign!  She upped the times per day I had to use the ointment and added another round of anti-viral so I would take it for 17 days instead of just 7.  I went in 2 days before Christmas and still no improvement so she referred me to the cornea specialist.  Luckily however, she talked to the specialist and they decided to just start me on steroids to see if that will help.  I went back the monday after Christmas and there was a little improvement.  Hooray!  Now I get to go 2 whole weeks without seeing her!  The bad news is that I am probably going to be on anti-viral medication for an extended period of time and there is a high probability that this infection will recur so it will mean check ups every 3-6 months to make sure we catch it before it does any more damage than the scar that will be left when this whole thing is done.

Makes me wonder, is being blind in one eye really so bad?